Learning to love again, a divorcè's guide.
Dec. 10, 2018, 12:14 a.m.
After my divorce, I was left feeling rejected, invisible and unlovable. Let me just tell you, as modestly as possible, I'm a sex bomb. I am 5'9, tall and slender with great breasts. I would say I'm a strong 8.5. I hadn't been single since my mid 20s and didn't know where to meet men, since I worked from home and my circle of friends are all married with kids. I figured I would get with the program and give Tinder a try. I set myself some rules one the type of guys I would swipe to meet. I just wanted to feel attractive again, after a toxic marriage. I wanted to go on some dates, something I'd never done as I had in two long term relationships through all of my twenties.
My rules were:
No selfies (too narcissistic, like my ex)
No partying / smoking pictures (not my lifestyle)
No topless pictures (clearly only looking for sex right?!)
No description or info about himself (only looking for a quick shag based on looks)
As I was only going to use these guys to get my validation that I am gorgeous and desirable, and wasn't intending on investing too much time or energy with any of them. I also swore a year of celibacy to myself, to protect my fragile emotional state. I had a few good dates and a few bad ones. All the men wanted to pursue me and see me again but rules are rules.
Then I saw him. His first photo was party photo with a big fat cigar in his hands (but dressed dapper). His second photo a topless photo at the beach. The third...you guessed it, a selfie. One thing stood out to me, his smile. He didn't take himself too seriously. His description: 6ft. Well, at least he's not short! The banter was great between us. We finally arranged to meet.
Our first date was a coffee date that lasted three hours. It felt so familiar and comfortable, I loved how 'me' I felt with him. We immediately clicked. Then we just chatted for a couple of weeks more, but he was too 'busy' to meet. I later found out, the fact that I was divorced scared him.
When I finally decided to start going on dates again, I had a few lined up one weekend, when he finally texted saying he wanted to see me again. I told him I had weekend plans but could see him that evening only (it was Thursday). He picked me up from my place and took me to one of the fanciest restaurants. We wined and dined and laughed all night. While he went to the bathroom, I matched with more men on Tinder and I checked the app. When he came back, the app came up in conversation and he opened it to show me that you can check the other person's activity on it (he had an apple, I had an android which did not show this). He saw that I had been active while we'd been on our date. Cringe! I just laughed and shrugged like a man-eater (which I am totally not).
The date lasted 5.5 hours and the staff were making it clear we'd over stayed our welcome. He drove me home and we had an intense kiss in the car. I didn't want him to come up to my place, because I was still living with very little post-divorce and didn't want anyone to see that I was sleeping on a couch. We didn't want it to end, so we drove to his place and stated there the next three days. Needless to say, I didn't see my other dates.
That was two and a half years ago, and next year we'll be married. Thank you tinder, and goes to show some rules are worth bending.