Would you want to hear my dating horror story?
About a year ago, I had just split up from my boyfriend of nearly 3 years and I was trying to rebuild myself and go out there to date some new men.
Naturally, I had to try online dating. I'd been on Tinder and the like before and I didn't have much success. Most of the guys on there just weren't my type - plus I knew some of them from Uni so that wasn't going to happen. I'm into guys that are a bit rugged - big beards, chest hair, rugby lads, that sort of thing, you get the idea. Being a larger woman myself, I had also somewhat struggled with body image in the past so I decided to give this new app a go - called WooPlus. Within just one day of downloading it, I had found what seemed like Prince Charming (oh, lo and behold...).
Prince Charming, let's call him Ian, seemed to tick all the boxes for me - beard, bit rugged, lefty, Scottish. Music taste, taste in films and general life-outlook seemed perfect. We started talking and within a week, we'd gone out on a date. It was really nice, I couldn't get my thoughts off him day and night. He'd actually asked me to be his girlfriend on the night after our date.
Ian then told me he's a bit...unconventional and that he'd understand if I decided not to pursue a relationship. I thought to myself - 'Oh, fuck, here it goes!'. He then proceeded to say that he's into something called FLR - or Female Led Relationship. After some research on Google, I found out that it's a part of the whole BDSM culture. He only wanted to pursue a submissive role in our relationship but (silly me) as I was feeling adventurous I decided it's a good idea.
Fast forward a few weeks and some more dates, I quickly found out that we're, in fact, incredibly different. I had just been to his house - lives with his parents at the age of 27 (and I met them the same day we had sex for the first time....) - and the shock and horror of his room had set off some doubts in my mind. It is, to this day, the most disgusting place I've ever set my foot into. Bear in mind I've been to the Paris Catacombs.
That room was musty, dark, mouldy, the blinds were all broken, there was a lot of random things on the floor, it had never been dusted and there were wet patches all over the ceiling and walls. Miserable.
Anyway, I gently pushed this whole misery away because - well - I was feeling maybe desperate. We had planned a getaway together to sunny Glasgow in February and I was looking forward to that. In the days in between, I grew apart from Ian more and more and I realised I was dreading spending time with him. He was so dull - nothing to talk about and he wasn't even making any effort. He absolutely loved to leave all decisions to me which proved to be a massive turn off - it was all part of the submissive relationship. By the time we had to leave for Glesga, I'd realised I'd rather watch my toenails grow than spend time with that man. Again, I decided to not be selfish and mean and go on the trip that mostly I paid for - I didn't want to disappoint him.
Got on the train to Bristol and this is where the weekend from hell began. He was wearing a tightish top from synthetic materials and as I sat next to him, I immediately realised he was starting to smell of B.O. On top of that t-shirt, he had a winter coat on - covered in dust, filth and god knows what else. I was embarrassed to sit next to him on the train.
We got to the airport and he told me he's not got much money so we have to keep it easy. Fair enough. Our flight was delayed, so I mumbled something like: 'Oh, I hope the fucking plane lands on time.' He told me not to swear. :)))) We got on the plane and he immediately fell asleep, snoring super loudly and weirdly - everyone around us was looking back and at me. I should've cussed more, I thought.
Got to Glasgow and I immediately went in for a shower. At this point, the B.O. was reeking off him. I gently nudged him to shower too and he said he'll freshen up (he didn't). He was unable to make decisions as to where to eat, so I suggested several restaurants. We ended up going to Zizzi because he found a voucher online...
By the next morning, I was so desperate to escape that I was going to cry. He got paranoid that there's a camera at our AirBnB and spent several hours looking very closely at everything. He then went to the loo, announced that he's going for a dump and that he's going to play music loudly so I don't hear him - I was in disbelief. He did exactly that.
The culmination of this shitshow was the following evening. Reluctantly, I had given him a handjob and when he got off the nice, white linen covers, there were several thick and long streaks of.... ass juice. He shrugged it off and said - ah, arse sweat - and thought nothing of it. I was mortified.
He proceeded to sleep for a whole night under a duvet covered in faeces residue, didn't say anything and even commented on what good night's sleep he's had. I slept on the couch under the pretext that I was going to watch TV in the other room. Shaking with anger and disbelief, I spoke to my friend and plotted my escape.
The very next morning (third out of 6-7 days), I took the first direct train back down with no explanation and deleted him off everywhere. To this day, I am still so angry that this man exists. Entirely true story. This is why I won't ever do online dating ever again - I'm scarred for life.